


Five Times Rey Hurt Ben, and One Time She Healed Kylo Ren

by SashaSnape



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Family, Family Feels, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Minor Leia Organa/Han Solo, Other, Rey Solo, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-18 12:12:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5927932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SashaSnape/pseuds/SashaSnape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because no matter how far he descended into the darkness, she was always there to bring light to his life. A short collection of one-shots examining Ben's relationship with his little sister Rey over the years. Because Rey is a Solo and I will hold fast to that belief until proven wrong by Episode XIII. Warning: May Contain Excessive Feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Baby Breha and Big Brother Ben

_The first time Rey hurt Ben, she was barely an hour old. ___

__“But what if I hurt her?” Ben asked, staring nervously at the strange, wriggling bundle in his mother’s arms._ _

__“You won’t,” Leia said gently, beckoning for him to come closer. “Come sit up here on the bed by me.”_ _

__Ben walked cautiously up to the bed and hoisted himself onto the mattress. Leia squeezed his hand reassuringly before leaning over to hand him his brand new baby sister._ _

__“There you go…make sure you support her head…just relax, Ben, you won’t hurt her,” Leia promised him._ _

__Ben took a deep breath and adjusted the baby until she fit snuggly into the crook of his skinny arm. She was a tiny thing, smaller than Ben had been as a baby, Mom had said. She was pink and wrinkly and her eyes were all squished up. And somehow, she was one of the most beautiful things Ben had ever seen._ _

__Han walked over and placed a warm hand on his shoulder, an action that caught Ben by surprise. Dad had never been overly demonstrative, and ever since Ben’s tenth birthday, things had begun to grow tense between father and son. Sometimes, late at night after he was supposed to be asleep, Ben heard Mom and Dad arguing about him. Dad blamed Ben’s frequent tantrums and backtalk on something called “puberty”, but Mom insisted there was a deeper problem. Sometimes Ben feared that Mom knew about the voice that Ben heard, a deep, dark voice that whispered to him when he was alone…_ _

__“She’s really something, isn’t she kid?” Han said proudly, snapping Ben out of his reverie. “The spitting image of her mother.”_ _

__“Which is only fair, since Ben got everything from you except his hair color and chin,” Leia said with satisfaction._ _

__“Yeah, he’s a regular chip off the old block, isn’t he?” Han replied fondly, rubbing his large, calloused hand over Ben’s curls. Ben blushed at the unexpected praise and allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of his father stroking his hair. His tiny sister gave a small cry and began to wriggle in her brother’s arms, clearly annoyed that his attention was no longer focused on her._ _

__“Hi Breha,” he whispered, stroking her chubby pink cheek. “I’m your big brother, Ben. I’m going to take care of you.”_ _

__Breha’s whine quickly turned into a yawn, and she turned her face towards Ben’s finger, as if she was trying to snuggle. A tentative smile crept over Ben’s face as he traced his finger over her downy hair, her little button of a nose, her tiny rosebud mouth…_ _

__“OW!”_ _

__Han reached out a hand to steady the baby as Ben jerked back, and Leia sat up in concern and reached out for her daughter._ _

__“She bit me!” Ben exclaimed, staring in amazement as Leia carefully took the infant from his arms. “Breha bit me!”_ _

__“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Leia said sympathetically, adjusting her nightgown and latching Breha onto her breast. “She was probably just hungry and that was her way of letting you know.”_ _

__“You alright, kid?” Han asked, lifting Ben’s hand to inspect the injured finger._ _

__“I’ll be ok,” Ben said, his face flushing a little as Han carefully examined his hand. “But she’s really strong!”_ _

__In spite of himself, Ben smiled over at his baby sister, who was happily sucking down her dinner without a care in the world. Clearly he didn’t have to worry about hurting her-she could take care of herself._ _


	2. Tension and Toddlers

_The second time Rey hurt Ben, she had just learned to walk…and to use the Force. ___

__“What the _hell _were you thinking?!”___ _

____Ben bristled at the ire in his father’s tone. He was twelve now and far too old to have his father scolding him like he was no older than Baby Rey. So what if that bully had gotten hurt? He’d been asking for it for weeks-calling Ben a freak, tripping him in the hallway, making the other kids laugh at him._ _ _ _

____“He deserved it,” Ben muttered moodily, crossing his arms and scuffing his toe into the carpet._ _ _ _

____“He _deserved _it?” Han repeated incredulously. “He deserved to be force-slammed into a tree so hard that he required stitches on the back of his head?”___ _ _ _

______“Yes!” Ben insisted hotly. “And if you’re looking for me to be sorry about him getting hurt, the only thing I’m sorry about is that I didn’t do it sooner!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______And he almost had done it sooner. Last week, at the park, when the older kid had threw mud all over his shirt, he had almost lost his temper. The only thing that had stopped him was the tiny little being that had been clinging to his pants leg and staring up at him in confused awe. He had no regrets about throwing the bully into the tree today, but he would have regretted frightening his sister. His baby sister, the best part of his life, who was currently peaking out behind the sofa and watching her father and brother argue with a fearful look in her eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______Han scrubbed a calloused hand through his hair in frustration. “Ben, how many times have your mother and I talked to you about using your powers? You have got to be more careful. Do you think your Uncle Luke became as powerful as he is by giving into his anger?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“But he - “_ _ _ _ _ _

______“ _Don’t _interrupt me!” Han said sternly. “I am so disappointed in you, Ben. I did not raise a bully!”___ _ _ _ _ _

________Ben growled in frustration and wished, not for the first time that his Mom was here instead of at a Senate meeting. She would have been angry with him, certainly, but she at least would have listened to his side before flying off the handle like his Dad. Sometimes it seemed like Dad never understood Ben-never had the patience for his moodiness, never comprehended why he was so sensitive._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Why are you always picking on me?!” Ben finally yelled in frustration. “It was one time! It’s not that big of a deal! Sith, sometimes I wish you’d just go off on the Falcon forever and leave me alone!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You watch your mouth, young me!” Han shouted, ignoring the nagging voice that told him to approach the situation more calmly, as his wife would have done. “I have absolutely had it with this behavior from you, and I’m not going to stand for it anymore!””_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?” Ben challenged. His twelve-year-old bravado quickly faltered as Han’s eyes narrowed dangerously. Ben took a hasty step back, but Han was quicker. He grabbed his son by his slender bicep and pulled him close, but before he could utter a word or land a well-placed swat, the tense moment was interrupted by a loud wail and a crash as several heavy books sitting on the mantelpiece came crashing down. One of the heaviest volumes landed directly on Ben’s foot, and he winced at the sudden throbbing in his toes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Ben and Han both turned and stared in disbelief at the bitty girl standing defiantly in the middle of the living room. Tears were streaming down her face, but her little hands were balled into fists, and she stared them both down with a mixture of reproach and pleading in her chocolate brown eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Han finally broke the silence. “Ben…did you have anything to do with making those books fall?” he asked quietly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, Dad,” Ben whispered back. Han sighed and closed his eyes. Now on top of dealing with a moody Force Sensitive Preteen, he would have to deal with a Force Sensitive Toddler. A Force Sensitive Toddler who had a dangerous combination of her father’s mischief and charm and her mother’s intelligence and stubbornness._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Ben’s forehead wrinkled in concern as he watched his father. He looked more tired than anything, but there was still a hint of anger in his eyes, and it made Ben nervous._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Dad, you’re not mad at Rey, are you?” he asked anxiously. “She’s just a baby, she can’t control it. When she gets to be my age, she’ll be able to…” his voice trailed off as he realized what he was saying, and he hung his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Han felt all of his residual anger slip away as he took in the abashed look on Ben’s face. “What was that, Ben?” he prodded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I…I was just…I’m…sorry, Dad,” Ben whispered, blinking rapidly to prevent tears from spilling down his cheeks. The angry young man was gone, replaced instantly by a confused, lonely little boy, and Han felt a rush of sympathy for his son._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Get over here,” Han said gently, opening his arms. Ben shuffled toward him and Han pulled him in for a rough hug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t do it again,” Han said firmly. Ben nodded into his chest and was going to respond, but a firm tugging on the cuff of his pants caused him to pull away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________His little sister had apparently gotten over her fit and had toddled over to join in the hug. Rey beamed up at her two favorite boys, clearly pleased with herself for fixing the situation. Han rolled his eyes and reached down, picking up the little girl and swinging her onto his hip._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t think you can just start using the force to get your way, young lady,” he said, pointing a finger at her with mock sternness. Rey ignored him and began to babble happily, laying her head down on her Daddy’s broad chest and reaching her little hand out to tug on Ben’s unruly curls. Both men smiled at the littlest Solo, and for a brief while, everyone was happy again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________But late that evening, long after Rey had been tucked into her crib and Ben had been sent to bed, Ben overheard his parents speaking in serious tones from their bedroom. They were talking about him…about his powers…about Uncle Luke…about sending him away. Ben felt anger and fear bubble up inside his chest at the thought of leaving, and the water glass on his nightstand started to shudder. Taking a deep breath to calm himself-he didn’t want to alert his parents to his eavesdropping-he quietly slipped out of bed and tiptoed through the small door that adjoined Rey’s room to his._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rey didn’t even stir when Ben lifted her from her crib and carried her over to the rocker Dad had made Mom when she was born. He held her close to his chest as he rocked her, allowing her warm presence and her soft baby coos to soothe him. Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought of leaving her. His big toe was still throbbing with a painful bruise from that afternoon, but he would gladly have his foot cut off if it meant he could stay here with his Dad…his Mom…his Rey._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are like candy and I'm hungry ;)


	3. Underhandedness and Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third time Rey hurt her brother, even Snoke would have been impressed with her deviousness.

“Would you be careful with that thing?” Ben growled irritably. 

“I _am _being careful,” Rey insisted. “I’ve got it pointed toward the ground, don’t I?”__

__“Rey, you’re swinging it back and forth and humming to yourself,” Ben said exasperatedly. “Besides, there’s no reason to have it activated when we haven’t even started yet. Deactivate it, now.”_ _

__Rey stuck her lower lip out and glared at him, but grudgingly turned off her little practice saber. It wasn’t powered enough to do anything more than sting slightly, but Ben knew how powerful his little sister truly was, and he wasn’t taking any chances._ _

__“I don’t know why you’re being such a grumpy nerf-herder,” Rey grumbled, skipping to keep up with him as he walked purposefully towards the practice area. “You never used to be so grouchy.”_ _

__“I am NOT grouchy!” Ben said testily. In all fairness, grouchy didn’t even begin to scratch the surface of Ben’s moods these days. Conflicted…secretive…paranoid…those were far more apt terms._ _

__“Are too,” Rey muttered, kicking up some dirt as they walked. “Are you mad that Mama and Daddy sent me here?” she asked suddenly, a slight hint of fear creeping into her little voice._ _

__Ben stopped walking and knelt down to his little sister’s level. “No, Rey,” he said sincerely. More sincerely than he had said anything lately. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I missed you.”_ _

__And he had missed her. Ever since Mom and Dad had sent him to train with Uncle Luke nearly three years ago, he had missed his baby sister desperately. As time had gone by…as the voice had gotten stronger…he hadn’t missed his parents nearly as much. He had grown angry and resentful that they had sent him away, convinced that they didn’t love him. He hadn’t wanted to believe it at first, but the voice made sense. If they had loved him, why did they send him away? Why were they so fearful of his power? Why didn’t they embrace how special he was? He knew that the only reason they had even sent Rey to train was because Luke had contacted them, concerned that his nephew was being too solitary and distant. Luke thought that Rey would bring him back out of his shell, and that if she started her training much early, maybe she wouldn’t become as …difficult…as her brother._ _

__Rey smiled and leapt on him, throwing her arms around him and clinging to him like a monkey. “I missed you too, Ben,” she sighed contentedly. “You’re my favorite big brother.”_ _

__Ben glanced around briefly to make sure no one was watching before wrapping his arms around Rey and getting to his feet. “Thank you, Rey,” he said softly. He leaned back a bit so he was able to look into her brown eyes._ _

__“Are you just trying to soften me up so I’ll go easy on you?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at her._ _

__“No!” Rey giggled._ _

__“Well, if you were, it didn’t work,” Ben said, dropping her to the ground and giving her an almost playful smirk. “I’m not holding anything back, baby sister.” With that, both of the Solo children activated their practice sabers and took up their dueling positions._ _

__Rey had only been working with the practice saber for a few months, but she had quickly mastered Form I (or what Luke had developed into Form I based on the information he had gathered from the scattered Jedi Archives), and had begun to progress on Form II. She had just enough of her father’s brash confidence to enhance the natural Force ability she had inherited from her mother, and she had take to the Academy like a duck to water._ _

__Ben’s skills were far more on par with the older Padawans at the Academy, but many of the other trainees were somewhat…reluctant to train with him. From the moment he had started at the Academy, he had been marked as different by his lineage alone. Luke had encouraged him to get to know his fellow Initiates, but Ben was shy by nature, and his closed-off personality combined with his already-established reputation was not conducive to making friends. So he kept to himself, and spent his meals and practice sessions alone as often as possible. Until Rey had come, the only company Ben had was the voice…whispering to him in the night…convincing him that he was above the people he was training alongside…encouraging him to use his anger and loneliness as a source of power._ _

__But for once, Ben felt no anger as he began to duel his tiny sister. He felt relaxed as he moved through the familiar forms, confident as he gained ground, and even slightly proud as Rey matched him jab for jab. She was a quick little thing, and even though Ben had the upper hand in strength and practice, she always seemed to know where his saber was going to fall._ _

__As the duel went on, Rey became overly excited; too confident in her skills. She arched her saber for a wide swing, but Ben was ready and stopped her with a hard jab about an inch above her saber’s handle. The force of the move caught Rey by surprise, and she tumbled backwards, hitting her bottom hard on the rocky ground._ _

__“Ow!” she said in surprise, looking up at him with hurt-filled eyes._ _

__Ben’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. He hadn’t thought the blow was that hard, but sometimes he forgot how little Rey was because she was so talented._ _

__“Are you alright?” he asked worriedly, reaching out his hand to help her up. Rey took his hand and the hurt in her eyes was quickly replaced with mischief. She gave a hard tug on his arm while simultaneously swiping her little legs out and kicking his feet right out from under him. Ben was completely unprepared for such a devious move, and he fell to the ground even harder than his sister had moments before. Before he could blink, Rey was on her feet and standing over him with her saber pointed at his throat._ _

__“I win!” she shouted gleefully._ _

__Ben stared at her in shock for a brief moment before he felt a familiar feeling of anger and embarrassment bubble up in his chest. He could practically feel the eyes of other Padawans at the practice area burning into him…he could sense the whisperings of his inadequacy…he could taste the disappointment the voice would feel at his shortcomings. For the first time in his life, he fixed his baby sister with a ferocious glare._ _

__The look on his face was so terrifying that Rey took a step back and quickly deactivated her saber. “I’m sorry, Ben,” she whispered, her eyes wide as she soaked in the unfamiliar expression on his face-unfamiliar to _her _, at least. “I thought you’d be proud of me. I’ve been practicing my hand to hand, and…” her voice trailed off, and she hung her head guiltily.___ _

____Ben’s first instinct was to snap at her-why would he be proud, when she, a Padawan who was barely out of swaddling clothes, had managed to best him in a duel? Why would he be pleased that someone as insignificant as she had managed to drop him flat on the ground? But as a single tear dripped out of Rey’s eye onto the ground below, he felt his anger start to dissipate. There had been no malice in her actions, he reminded himself. Had another Padawan tried the same move, he would have thought the worst of them, but he knew Rey. She had just been playing with her big brother; she hadn’t meant any harm. A quick glance around the practice arena told him that none of the other Padawans were paying a bit of attention to the Solo siblings, so perhaps the idea that they were judging him was a figment of his imagination. And, he begrudgingly acknowledged, he was a very tiny bit proud of her._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Ben hoisted himself up and knelt in front of his sister. “Rey,” he said gently, lifting her chin up with one hand and wiping away her tears with the other. “I’m not mad at you.”_ _ _ _

____“Promise?” Rey sniffled, her eyes impossibly large and woeful._ _ _ _

____“Promise,” Ben assured her. “If,” he added, “you teach me that move you just did.”_ _ _ _

____Rey grinned and nodded her head eagerly, and Ben gave her a small smile and ruffled her hair, messing up the first of her three buns._ _ _ _

____Later that night, Ben would try to drown out the voice that told him that his sister was a weakness…that he could never be as powerful as his grandfather as long as he maintained such a strong familial bond…that the time was coming near, and she must be destroyed along with the rest of them._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you’re reading and enjoying the fic, and thank you if you have already done so! Up next: my purely speculative interpretation of how Rey actually ended up on Jakku.


	4. Abandonment and Anguish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth time Rey hurt her brother was the last time-or so Ben thought.

It almost gave Ben…no, Kylo Ren…a feeling of déjà vu, flying with his little sister curled up in the co-pilot’s seat. He had a few vague, distant memories of the two of them on the Millennium Falcon that he had slowly repressed over the years: a memory of learning how to steer the Falcon, his father leaning over him and guiding his movements while his mother sat next to them and nursed Rey. A memory of snuggling with Rey in the Crew’s Quarter’s, reading her a story and trying not to think about the fact that in an hour’s time, they would be separated as he was left at the Jedi Academy. Even a memory of he and Rey sneaking out of bed to play on the Falcon, both of them pretending to be fighter pilots and shooting out the enemies. That last memory burned so bright that it almost brought a slight pain to Ben… _no, Kylo Ren’s _…chest. That had been the evening his par…Han Solo and General Organa had brought Rey to the Jedi Academy. They had stayed overnight due to unsafe flying conditions in the system, and B…Kylo hadn’t been able to resist Rey’s pleas to wake up and play with him. He shook his head violently, desperate to repress memories of happier times. Those days were gone and there was no going back. Not after last night.__

__Yesterday had been her birthday. It had almost been too perfect. Ben had mentioned to his Unc…Skywalker that it would be a nice surprise for Rey to get to go home to her parents for the day. After all, she was turning five and was the youngest initiate at the Academy by several years. It was good for her to maintain a steady relationship with her mother and father. Luke had bought it hook, line, and sinker, and had arranged everything with her parents. He hadn’t even batted an eyelash when Ben asked permission to go off planet to purchase a small, used speeder bike for Rey. She loved to tinker with things, just like her father, and Luke had clapped his hand on his nephew’s shoulder and told him how proud he was of him for being such a good big brother._ _

__Ben…technically, he was still Ben at the time…had given Rey a big hug and a kiss before he left the day before her birthday. She had guessed that he was going off to fetch some wonderful birthday surprise for her, and she had pestered him until the moment he got on his shuttle. He hadn’t teased her like her normally would have. It was too painful. He just held her close as long as he could without looking suspicious and told her to have a good birthday. She had waved eagerly as he flew away, completely oblivious to the fact that her big brother had just betrayed her and the entire Jedi Order and was off to join the Knights of Ren._ _

__The massacre had begun swiftly and mercilessly as the last light faded from the sky and rain began to pour. Kylo had been preparing to fight Luke himself, but the Old Jedi Master was nowhere to be seen-it wasn’t uncommon for him to be called away to some important government meeting. As the blood of the Initiates he had once trained beside began to flow over the ground, Kylo found himself experiencing a brief moment of relief. The Supreme Leader had assured him he was ready to lead the Knights of Ren and eliminate the Jedi Order, but Kylo knew his Uncle’s strength. He was unsure that he was equal to him-yet._ _

__The feeling of relief was almost instantly replaced with one of shock, fear, and rage as he heard, above the clashing of sabers and the sound of falling bodies, a high-pitched scream of terror that was all too familiar._ _

___She isn’t supposed to be here. ____ _

____The next ten minutes were a blur-Kylo just remembered flashes of what had transpired. He remembered his saber cutting through the knight standing above his baby sister so swiftly that the unsuspecting man was sliced in half where he stood. He remembered Rey’s screams becoming even louder and more terrified as he stood over her, his mask frightening and unfamiliar to her. He remembered placing his gloved hand on her soaking wet head, using the Force to put her to sleep and lifting her shivering body in his arms. He remembered stowing her away on the little shuttle before informing his second in command that he was going after Skywalker-the only plausible excuse he could think of in his frenzied state. And he remembered sending a transmission to a remote desert planet in the Western Reaches, to a junkboss named Unkar Plutt, from whom the Knights of Ren had procured their ships. He couldn’t take Rey back to her home planet-the General would sense his presence. He couldn’t face her and Han Solo and lose everything he had worked for. So Rey would have to go elsewhere, to a place where no one would ever find her. Not Luke Skywalker, not Han Solo. Not the Supreme Leader._ _ _ _

____The remote planet, known as Jakku, was slowly looming closer as Kylo prepared to land. Its barren, sandy surface reflected a faint light into the cockpit of the shuttle, and Ben felt his heart stop as Rey began to stir. He had hoped that she would remain unconscious until…but he couldn’t bring himself to put her to sleep again. A miniscule part of him was desperate to hear her sweet little voice, one last time._ _ _ _

____Rey sat up, and her lower lip began to tremble as she fixed her hazy eyes on him. “Ben, what happened?” she asked shakily. “It was dark, and everyone was screaming, and there was a man in a mask…”_ _ _ _

____Kylo hastily kicked his helmet under the seat-he had removed it to catch his breath earlier, and he was eternally grateful that he had, lest Rey had awoken and found the scary man from her dreams sitting next to her._ _ _ _

____“You were having a nightmare, Rey,” he said shortly._ _ _ _

____“But it felt real,” she insisted, unbuckling her seat belt and coming up to put her hands on his knee._ _ _ _

____“Try not to think about it,” Kylo said huskily, putting his arm around her on instinct. “Hold on tight, we’re landing.”_ _ _ _

____“Where are we?” Rey asked, peering out the window in wonderment as the shuttle settled to the surface._ _ _ _

____“Jakku,” he said quietly, trying not to look her in the eye as he lifted her to his hip._ _ _ _

____Rey’s forehead wrinkled in concern, and she touched her small hand to his face. “Ben, why are you crying?” she asked, her little voice growing higher with a slight hint of panic._ _ _ _

____“I’m not,” he said, almost angrily, before he realized that a tear had indeed slipped unbidden out of his left eye. He brushed it away quickly and opened the shuttle door, wincing as the bright sunlight assaulted his eyes. Plutt was waiting for him, as instructed._ _ _ _

____“This the girl?” Plutt asked, his foul face expressionless as he examined her. Kylo unconsciously tightened his grip around Rey, and he could feel her do the same to him. He nodded and fixed the Crolute with a dangerous expression._ _ _ _

____“You will allow no harm to come to her,” Kylo said harshly. “She will be fed and clothed and sheltered. If she is hurt in any way, you will find my retribution to be swift and unforgiving.”_ _ _ _

____Plutt nodded shortly, and Kylo tried to swallow, but found his mouth was completely dry. He leaned over to set Rey down on the ground, but she clung to his neck with all her might._ _ _ _

____“Ben, what’s going on?” she whimpered._ _ _ _

____“You’re staying here,” he said roughly, trying to pry her little hands off of his throat._ _ _ _

____“I don’t wanna stay here!” she cried. “I wanna go back to the Academy with you!”_ _ _ _

____“There is no more Academy, Rey!” Kylo said, trying to make his voice sound threatening but failing miserably. “There’s no where else for you to go! You’re staying here, and that’s final! Now let go!”_ _ _ _

____“NO!” Rey shrieked, struggling as he continued to try and pull her off of him. In her struggle, her pointy little foot kicked him right in the abdomen, and he doubled over in pain._ _ _ _

____“I’ll come back for you!” he blurted out, almost helplessly. He knew it was an empty promise, knew that he must stay as far away from her as possible for her own safety. But his words had the desired effect. Rey pulled back to look him in the eye and evaluate the truthfulness of his words, giving him the leverage her needed to tug her off and put her on the ground. Plutt didn’t hesitate before wrapping a meaty palm around her impossibly small arm, and Ben turned to walk away._ _ _ _

_____“NO! BEN! DON’T LEAVE ME! BEN, COME BACK!” ____ _ _ _

______He harnessed his anger and sadness into darkness, just as the Supreme Leader had taught him, and refused to allow another tear to fall._ _ _ _ _ _

______Before the door to the shuttle closed, Kylo Ren closed his eyes and reached out with the force. His heart was so full of grief and anger that he barely had any control over what he was doing, but he ground his teeth and concentrated. He listened in agony as Rey’s cries of “Ben! Don’t leave me!” almost instantly transformed into the more generic, “Come back!” and he knew it was done. Her memories were gone, at least for the present moment. She would live with the knowledge that her family had abandoned her, but she wouldn’t remember any details. Wouldn’t remember how her mother had taught her how to style her hair into three perfect little buns. Wouldn’t remember her father showing her how to tinker with the engine of the Falcon. Wouldn’t remember her uncle giving her a practice saber and instructing her on the proper stance. Wouldn’t remember…him._ _ _ _ _ _

______The door latched. The engine started. And Kylo Ren flew away without looking back, leaving the last traces of Ben Solo behind in the eyes of an anguished, screaming little girl._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…this chapter was difficult. It’s very daunting writing TFA fanfiction that includes so many details from the movie, since we don’t know what all those details mean yet. I’m sure this isn’t even remotely how the movie is going to play out, but for current purposes, it serves me well. I know it was a little choppy, but that’s how I imagine Ben was feeling during that whole experience-choppy and disconnected. Apologies if I screwed up anything Force related! Coming up next-I mean, if you’ve seen the movie, you probably already have that figured out ☺ Let me know what you thought by leaving a review!


	5. Realizations and Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fifth time Rey hurt Ben, she left a scar on his face...and his heart.

“It is you.”

Of course it was her. How could he have ever doubted it was her? Those determined eyes, that stubborn set of her jaw, the little bits of hair that fell out of her hairstyle. The same hairstyle their mother had taught her to make when she was barely three. He should have known when the officer first informed him that the droid and the traitor had escaped Jakku with a girl. And he definitely should have known when he was interrogating her…there was no denying their bond. Both of them had felt it, though she didn’t understand it and he didn’t want to believe it.

But the moment his grandfather’s lightsaber flew out of his reach and into her outstretched hand, he could no longer doubt it. He knew it was the light, that Sith-Cursed call of the light that had made him doubt it was her for as long as he had. Because if it wasn’t her, he would have no trouble slaughtering her where she stood. He had killed entire villages for far less than the only possession his grandfather had left behind besides a mangled helmet. But it was her. And the conflict he felt when his father had died mere minutes before paled in comparison to the conflict he felt as he raised his lightsaber to his baby sister.

He didn’t want to fight her. He wanted to fight someone, anyone but her. He wanted to slash and burn all the trees in the forest until he could no longer stand. Because the same pain that lit up Rey’s eyes filled his own heart to the point of bursting. He used the hand not gripping his saber to beat the bleeding wound on his abdomen…the wound that had been inflicted by the tenderhearted creature he had once called “Uncle Chewie”. He tried not to think of his father’s hand caressing his cheek as he fell…the pain he felt radiating through the force from his mother…the look of utter despair he had seen on Rey’s face as the saber had pierced Han’s chest. As he pounded into his own flesh, the burning sensation of pain overwhelmed his emotions, and he began to duel with his sister.

As she matched him blow for blow, he found himself flooded with memories of their childhood…memories of a tiny girl who had just as much ferocity as the young woman who stood against him now. Baby Rey screwing up her face in disgust and swiping her first bowl of solid food off the table; screaming loudly until Leia finally gave up and allowed her to nurse. Toddler Rey sitting at the gun of the Falcon, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she blasted down imaginary enemies of the Republic. Little Rey kicking the shins of a much older Padawan who had dared to taunt her older brother. Kylo saw all of the little faces of the past merge into the more mature, yet still so young face of the scavenger girl, and he felt a rush of sentiment the likes of which he hadn’t felt in well over a decade. But he gritted his teeth and fought both his sister and his threatening feelings, beating them back with every blow of his crackling weapon.

It seemed as though they fought forever, though it could not have been more than a few minutes. Every time Rey gained the upper hand, Kylo swiftly stole it back from her; but before he could disarm her, she would easily gain back the advantage. She was untrained, however, and the battle was taking a toll on her. As the ground began to shift and crack beneath their feet, Kylo forced Rey to the edge of a cliff. He watched her eyes widen in terror as he pushed her back, and he felt his insides twist. He didn’t want her to fear him; not anymore. He wanted them to stand together, not against each other. If only there was a way they could be on the same side…

“You need a teacher!” Kylo heard himself exclaiming, trying to sound authoritative but only succeeding in sounding desperate. “I can show you the ways of the Force!”

Kylo watched with baited breath as Rey’s eyes lit up in confusion, then enlightenment. Watched her lips move as she whispered “The Force” with a tone of awe and understanding. Watched her close her eyes briefly before a determined look came across her face. And fell backwards as she opened her eyes and lashed her saber against his with a power stronger than any he had ever felt.

He didn’t quite understand what part of the Force she had managed to tap into, but whatever it was, he was no match for it. She beat him back, one strike at a time, before knocking him to the ground and leaving a horrible slashing burn across his face. Just as she had when she was four years old, she stood over him, saber at his throat, poised to strike. Only this time, instead of a look of pride and glee, her face was filled with rage and hatred.

He should have been pleased at the signs of anger and aggression she was showing…should have taken advantage of the opportunity to bring her over to the dark side, to stand by his side where she belonged. That’s what the Supreme Leader would have expected of him. But instead, he remained silent, and found himself inexplicably relieved when he felt her recoil away from the darkness. Not relieved that she was sparing his life…but relieved that she was sparing her own. Just as Rey lowered her saber, the ground between them split, and Kylo watched as his baby sister shrink into the distance for the second time in his life. He sank back into the snow, allowing the physical pain of his wounds to wash over him and numb the conflicting emotions in his heart.

_Remain where you are, my Apprentice _, The Supreme Leader’s Voice whispered in his mind. _Assistance is coming…it is time for you to come to me and complete your training.___

____Time to complete his training. Time to finish what his grandfather had started. Time to succeed in what he had been dreaming of for nearly a decade and a half. Despite the defeat on the battlefield, he should have been elated. But as he brushed his fingertips against the fresh gash on his face, all he could feel was pain…regret…and longing._ _ _ _

____I know it wasn’t my best, but the movie portrayed everything so well I wasn’t sure how to do it justice in written form. But coming up next: Rey heals Kylo Ren. Which is definitely the chapter I’ve been waiting for! Expect it to be super long and full of an obscene amount of fluff and feels ☺_ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it wasn’t my best, but the movie portrayed everything so well I wasn’t sure how to do it justice in written form. But coming up next: Rey heals Kylo Ren. Which is definitely the chapter I’ve been waiting for! Expect it to be super long and full of an obscene amount of fluff and feels ☺


	6. Home and Hope

Sixteen years. That was how long it had been since Leia had seen both of her babies together in the same room. And it was only fear of aggravating their many injuries, not the fact that they were both grown adults, that kept her from scooping them both up into her lap and rocking them until they drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

When she had received the call that the Resistance fleet had returned with Kylo- Ben¬-on board, she had hurried to the medical bay, not knowing what she would find. What she found was her son shaking on a gurney, covered in gashes and delirious with pain, and her daughter practically crawling on top of him, bandaging his wounds as fast as she could and barking at anyone who got in her way.

It had taken a good ten minutes to convince Rey to allow the medical droids to assist her in her brother’s care, and another ten minutes to convince her that her own wounds needed to be stitched up as well. Leia had practically had to scold her before she reluctantly sat down and allowed the droids to take care of her most dire wounds. Leia herself had taken care of the large scraped bruise on her cheekbone, tenderly washing it and covering it with a bacta patch. 

As she took care of her daughter and tried not to worry about her son, several members of the Fleet gave Leia debriefings on the mission. While the majority of the Fleet had been concerned with wiping out the First Order’s spare arsenal, Rey had been focused solely on getting to Ben. Ever since Luke had begun instructing her, she had been reaching out through the Force, trying to feel her brother. 

It had been a cold, rainy evening, just over two months ago, when Rey had burst into the command center and interrupted a strategy session on recruiting from the Outer Rim. Leia had taken one look at her daughter’s wild, panicked eyes and had immediately adjourned the meeting. She had wrapped an arm around Rey and led her back to their shared quarters as quickly as possible. 

Once she had gotten Rey settled on the sofa with a mug of warm milk and a blanket, she listened anxiously as her daughter began to babble about Kylo Ren. Only for the first time since she had been five years old, she referred to him as Ben. Leia listened in shock as Rey told her of the visions Ben had sent to her…especially the vision in which Han had activated the lightsaber into his own chest, in order to prevent his son from committing an act that would cost him the last of his humanity. The news that her son had not actually caused the death of her husband left Leia speechless, but Rey continued to speak, her voice filled with passion and hope.

_“I can feel him, Mama. I can feel the light in him. He wants to be free, I know it. He’s calling to me. I have to go get him. I have to save my Ben.” ___

__Leia had held her close and promised that they would execute a rescue mission as soon as was humanly possible. But even as they had laid the final pieces of the plan in place…even as she had given Rey a kiss before she boarded the Falcon early that morning…she hadn’t dared to believe that her son would come home. She still wasn’t sure she believed it, even though he was lying in front of her on a gurney and her chief medical officer was informing her that he was stable._ _

__No one dared to argue with her when she insisted that Ben must be moved to her quarters to recover. She stated that it was good to have him isolated for security purposes, and they couldn’t spare a whole room for him in the medical bay. But in reality, she just wanted to keep him close to her. As a general, she was afforded one of the only queen sized beds available on the base, and all she wanted to do at that moment was curl up next to her baby boy and hold him and never let him go._ _

__He looked so young and innocent, covered in crisp, white sheets. So much like the little boy she remembered. She had once asked Rey to share with her the memory of how he looked as the two of them had fought each other on Starkiller base. She remembered being struck by how young he looked even then. He was trying to create an illusion of bulk and power by swaddling himself with black robes, but he was failing miserably-at least, in his mother's eyes. Her gangly little boy was still in there. And her delicate little girl was lying next to him, curled up with her head on his shoulder and her arm draped across his stomach, sending him comfort and love through the Force. Leia drew her armchair up to the side of the bed and settled in for the evening, perfectly content to watch her children for hours._ _

__It was nearly dawn before Ben regained some semblance of consciousness. Leia watched hopefully as his eyes started to flutter open and come into focus. When he realized who it was that was soothing his forehead, what little color was in his face drained away._ _

__“Mom…” he whispered huskily, his throat parched and sore. “Mom, I…Rey…Dad…”_ _

__“Shh, hush now,” Leia said gently, bringing her hand down to cup his cheek, mirroring her husband’s final act of love toward their son. “You’re safe. You’re home. That’s all that matters now.”_ _

__Tears immediately welled up in Ben’s eyes, and his breathing became short and ragged as he stared at his mother. Even though he hadn’t directly caused his father’s death, and even though he was sure his mother knew that, he had still expected to be met with reproach and disappointment for all the atrocities he had committed as Kylo Ren. But to his shock, he saw nothing but love and forgiveness in his mother’s brown eyes._ _

__At the sound of Ben’s distress, Rey immediately woke and sat up to hover over her brother. “Mama, is he alright?” she asked anxiously._ _

__Leia felt her insides warm, as they always did, at the sound of the word “Mama.” Once the truth of her parentage had been realized, Rey had immediately begun to refer to Leia with the title she had used as a little girl, as opposed to the more adult sounding “Mom” or “Mother”. It was as if she was trying to reclaim her lost childhood, and Leia was more than happy to let her do so._ _

__“He’s going to be fine, Baby,” Leia assured her, using the hand that wasn’t caressing her son’s cheek to stroke her daughter’s hair. “He just needs rest and love right now.”_ _

__“Does he need food? Or water? What about more blankets? I’ll go get some,” Rey said, jumping out of bed and heading purposefully toward the door._ _

__“Breha Padme Organa Solo, get back in that bed this minute, young lady,” Leia said sternly. “Your brother isn’t the only one that needs rest. You’ve got plenty of wounds that need to heal, and you’re going to stay in this room until they do._ _

__Rey blushed slightly and ducked her head as she climbed sheepishly back into bed. She had lived on her own for so long that she wasn’t used to being scolded, but Leia gave her a soft smile to let her know she wasn’t angry and pulled the covers back so Rey could climb back in._ _

__As Rey got under the covers, she automatically went to resume her position of cuddling her brother, but she stopped short when she realized that Ben was looking straight at her. Unsure, she held back, but Ben reached out and took her small hand in his larger one._ _

__“You saved me,” he whispered, his soft voice conveying a mixture of shock, gratitude, and affection._ _

__Rey looked down where their two hands were clasped, savoring the feeling of love that she had so long been denied._ _

__“I was just returning the favor,” she replied softly, rubbing her thumb over one of his knuckles, unwittingly mimicking a soothing gesture that Han used to make when one of his children was frightened or sad._ _

__Ben looked at her in confusion for a brief moment before he realized what she meant, and he winced as though he was in pain._ _

__“I didn’t save you,” he said huskily. “I abandoned you. I took you away from Mom and Dad. I left you alone in that junkyard.”_ _

__Rey shook her head vigorously and immediately went to lie against Ben’s chest; her ear pressed up against his heart._ _

__“You kept me alive,” she whispered. “You risked your own life to protect me. You could have let me die in the massacre…you could have killed me at least twice on Starkiller Base. But you didn’t. Because you’re my Ben.”  
Ben shakily reached up with his free hand to stroke her hair. “You kept me alive, too,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “No matter how many awful things I did…no matter how far Snoke pushed me…I could never extinguish the Light. It was you. You’ve always been my Light, Rey. You’ve been keeping me alive all these years.”_ _

__Ben could feel his shirt began to get damp with Rey’s tears, and he couldn’t stop his own eyes from welling up once again. “I just wish…I wish I’d had enough Light…to save Dad,” he choked, squeezing his eyes shut in torment. “I should’ve…”_ _

__Leia reached out and gently pressed her finger against his lips. “All your father and I have wanted for the past fifteen years was to have you-both of you-back, safe and sound,” she assured him. “He would be so proud of you. He is so proud of you, wherever he is.”_ _

__“He died because of me!” Ben cried, hating how young and desperate his voice sounded._ _

__“He did what he had to do to protect his son,” Leia countered firmly. She got up from her armchair and slid onto the bed next to her children. “He believed in you. He knew you would come back to the Light eventually. And now you’ve proven him right.”_ _

__“But the First Order is still out there. Snoke…”_ _

__“Will be destroyed as soon as possible,” Leia said confidently. “We’ve been gaining ground in the fight for months now. And now that you’re here and can tell us everything you know, it won’t be long before the First Order is eradicated completely; Snoke included.”_ _

__“We can defeat him, Ben. You. Me. Uncle Luke and Mama. Finn and Poe. All of us,” Rey said earnestly._ _

__Ben looked back and forth between his mother and sister’s faces. One was older and world weary, while the other was young and vibrant. But both wore identical expressions of hope and love._ _

__“I guess we should get started,” Ben said, unsteadily attempting to push himself up from the bed._ _

__“Lie back down this minute,” Leia ordered. Ben immediately obeyed, too tired and injured to protest. Leia propped herself up against the headboard and maneuvered Ben until his head was lying in her lap. Rey crawled around to snuggle into her other side, still holding Ben’s hand in her own._ _

__“The Resistance can wait a few more hours,” Leia said softly, holding Rey close with one hand and stroking Ben’s curls with the other. Neither child disagreed, and before long, the last members of the Solo family were all lost in a peaceful sleep._ _


End file.
